Lonely Thoughts.... Some Uphill, Some Downhill

Mixed Feelings............

2008-08-11T13:00:00.003-04:00

The start of the day was good.
Returned the car, left my closest friend home,
And left for work.
Everyone was running here and there,
getting ready for the presentation.
But the weather didnt seem to standby.
At 10.00 a.m. in the morning,
it felt like dusk,
The dark clouds covered the beautiful riverfront,
Pouring increased the water level,
I was feeling lonely,
A breeze of tension was running all over me.
Sunken feeling held me below the crust.
Wanted to rise, but a strong gravity held me low.
I wonder the wanderness of my mind
What is it thinking after all,
Or has no thoughts and only a strange sunken feeling
I am depressed, experiencing the state of mind of my closest pal......................
The one without whom my identity is anonymous.

2008-06-18T23:02:00.000-04:00

freshness of each morning :)
beauty of each other's eyes,
joy in each other's success,
happiness in each other's arms,
admiring lush green valleys..
wearing youthful colors ..
it's all about love,
it's all about us!

Happiness Extreme........

2008-06-09T13:56:00.006-04:00

Few days back, I had mentioned about my angel setting apart from me,

But last weekend, I asked my Angel to be with me forever,

In no time she agreed to it, and I was so much filled with tears,

I have to change the blog name....................

The biggest gift of my Life ever,

I was speechless for the entire day.

I cant explain what I have got in my life.

I was always looking for small joys,

And suddenly when I got this Happiness,

I really felt short of words to describe it.

Thanks Sweetheart.

Facing the love let go.....

2008-06-05T16:39:00.004-04:00

A time comes in our lives,

When you have to let go,

the love of your life.

Stay with the moments,

Of love, laughter, tears;

Be silent and ready,

To experience the loneliness.

Missing someone is all that you can do,

but mesmerizing my love,

Is what I totally believe in,

If my love is destined to be mine..

Then obviously it has to get back to me,

If not then at least my tears will...........

Feel like stabbing my heart............

2008-06-05T13:15:00.003-04:00

Another era has just started its end,

An era where I enjoyed emotionally being present,

if not physically.......

For every era, I fear one thing, at the end,

it shouldnt leave any scars on my heart.

The water should be as still and as clear as

the purity of that era had been.

I hope it doesnt come true at least for this era........

- The biggest traitor in the world: one of new generations

Little Oblivious Joys............

2008-06-05T08:35:00.004-04:00

Many times we do realize the complications we are going through,
These realizations are more visible when we see a little kid playing in the garden,
The child in us is lost, while we sit in front of the computer and stare at the bug,
The love for natureis no more as we all continue to reside in one of the skycrapers.
Wake up folks, the simplicity in doing what we wish to do is craving for our attention.........

Decisions.........one of our body part!!!!

2008-06-04T18:30:00.005-04:00

Decisions!!!! Our companions opening new doors at every footstep,
right from eating which sandwich to what shape to mold one's career.
They form such an integral part of our life.
Yet we cannot be sure if that irreplaceable part will fit the molding.
How to be sure of, nobody knows.......................
That is how I guess the word risk was introduced in the dictionary.
Life itself is a risk; the more you risk the more you live.....
May be that is the quest for Life; how much to risk.....
My parents say, 'Take your own decisions, be independent;
you will go wrong; The only way to improve your decisions is to foresee.
Think of the losses, have the guts to bear them,
and finally you will be able to make the perfect decision.'
I truly believe.................

2008-06-04T06:43:00.002-04:00

A dark day, lovely rain which irritated me,
being a rain lover, I saw the sky crying.
Such a huge heart, and still it cries.
I wonder why.......................
The same routine goes on and on,
The same worries, the same fight
to meet the deadlines, the same issues,
about managing the funds,
the same tensions about
how I wish to see myself few years down the line
and struggling to make it possible.
I know this wont get over,
but I want to know what my eyes are searching for,
Is it m own people, or is it my own beloved,
or is it my own loneliness.
The worry-free attitude has gone dear.
Some angels whom I met in last few months,
are parting away.........
I am happy for them, lying on my bed,
trying to map my thoughts in words.

So Helpless

2008-05-20T13:28:00.005-04:00

finally some company dared to employ me.

An old era ended, a new era awaits my warm welcome.

An era where i sat wid my friends on the steps,

an era where I enjoyed the weekends sharing all the fun,

an era when I was required to be tied to stay at home.

A whole new life is waiting for me!

to expand my shell and run with utmost pace.

Still when I try to look on my way ahead,

I miss all those previous moments and pray that I get back to them,

all what i see is a smog;

leftover smoke from all my dearest ones, and a fog rising out of all those memories........

I really wish I could hold them all; at least my ...........................

2008-05-01T20:18:00.002-04:00

These days I can't be happy,
Might be if you have read in the earlier post.
Complains against my Masters, seniors, etc.
And now I am damn sure,
I have got into this habit of cribbing over small things.
Can please someone tell me how do I get over these????
...........

2008-05-01T08:17:00.003-04:00

Since last few days, the wheel has started turning........
Got a job, heard news about H1.........
I am so happy, I finally will start earning,
Its the time now for me to show my talent,
my perseverance, my patience, the time management.
But still, I have that dark spot in my mind,
Didn't pluck enough fruits from my Masters.
I feel as if I wasted all my time and my parent's money
A non-thesis masters - What a waste!!!!!!!!
I was misguided by my seniors - But the choice to mislead was my own.
Had come here with some plans to exceed in my passionate field.
But now I find myself dragged totally away from it...
As everyone, even I had the urge to do what I feel,
But somehow, I made a wrong choice, and now I regret.
Wanted to be someone who is different (everyone wants to be),
Didn't want to be a part of that rat race............
Here now, I lay all alone running here and there,
I guess making a wrong choice was my destiny.
I have hurt myself to the inexplicable extent,
and now I fail miserably to correct that decision....
Feel pity, the most hated feeling....

Last Weekend

2008-04-14T15:41:00.003-04:00

Last weekend, I went to one of my most trusted friend, had a real blast.
The ambiance, the environment, the people,the world was so cheerful, happy and full of energy.
Had been on the beach, same as Marine Lines in Mumbai.
The days then recollected in my mind, my heart was laughing.
Each of us cooked something and gathered to his place.
We cracked silliest of jokes, pulled each other's legs, laughed out loud,
enjoyed to the limit that the Cops had to stop us..................
It was an overnight stay, My Angel was worried about my headache,
but also wanted to go back home. But, I knew she would miss the whole new episode of her life.
The next day I drove her back to the town, she rested and then we went for a movie......
I was unable to believe, in so much of hardships, she would make me feel so comfortable.
Even I couldn't believe the way i was driving.
It was for the first time in my life, someone has appreciated me for my driving.
The comfort, the patience, the temperament, the urge to reach in time, the passion to accelerate, I guess I was a perfect country driver that day.
For those few hours, I felt as if I am back in university.
No tension, nothing.
Did what our hearts said.......
I guess we all need such a break every couple of months at least.
I was so happy looking at everyones overjoy.
Thanks to all the dix people there.........................

Simple Happiness.......

2008-04-11T10:02:00.003-04:00

After so many months, I visited my college,
It was so beautiful, everything seemed perfect.
The weather, the crowd, the grass lush green,
the students in colorful shades, the clear sky,
the sunshine, clean and dry tiles on the surface,
the roads so gray, the vehicles shining over.
I had some scheduled surprise meetings,
attended those and was just waiting to sit,
at the same old place, looking here and there,
- The Stairs. felt like a back bencher..... :).
Those school days, all of us sitting and grabbing some sandwiches,
looking at the birds hurrying to their classes.
I guess this is what is called as the Happiness - an abstract emotion.
No tensions, No worries, but yes there was something missing,
The thrill in those tensed days......... Recollected them.
Have really no words to express them...... :)

White Dot on a Visor............

2008-04-08T20:05:00.001-04:00

Since past few months, there were lot of things running all through my mind.......hardly any of them were positive. Parents will be visiting soon, I have started feeling the pressure of unemployment. All my friends are set to go apart. A sense of incompleteness is filling me. The loneliness has started biting me as earlier. But today amidst all these dark thoughts, the VISOR SEEMED TO BE CLEAN. I could see a dot on it; a clear and a bright one.... It's more like an express train running towards me at the station on a dark night while its flashing its head lamp over the track. I can see its reflection and my glasses have a clear white spot. Things are going to change in life ahead drastically. The same feeling hugs me when I was leaving my school. All the teachers were around all the students; warning us, looking over us, caring for us; When we step out of our school life, the new world of opportunities awaits us but at the same time, the hungry world has its doors open for teenagers; So watch every step you take; Don't regret the road you choose. And its the same feeling now. I am staring at this lonely crowd, my eyes can't wait to sight the face of my people. I am in dire need of such advice and such conversations. I hope, I notice "my someone" before I go ahead on this chosen track.........